Surprise! You’re on My Acknowledgments Page
Excited to see your name in print? I was excited to put it there. Sure, you were identified as “Lady in the mall who said Hi to me when I was having a bad day thinking I couldn’t write,” but you know who you are. I know your Hi, was really, You’ve got this. You’re a Godsend. #Bless.
Every author acknowledges their editors, agent, and family but I can’t put into words how much it meant when you high-fived me on the Peloton, bubba6591. I was there to work off the stress of writer’s block and you gave me the strength to carry on when you stopped your ride to fill my soul. What a gift!
I want to acknowledge you, Woman in Red Canada Goose coat with pink Hello Kitty mittens. You let me have that scented candle we both had our hands on at Home Sense. It reminded us of pumpkin spice lattes even though it was called ‘Jump Into Fall’. We thought it should be called Fall into Fall and had a good laugh. I lit that candle and thought of you while writing chapter twenty-one— Should We Call it Home Scents? We have such good times together, so thank you.
Man on the subway who chose the empty seat beside me. When you put your hand on my knee, I saw you. I saw your soul. I also saw your penis. You will know who you are because it had a small wart at the tip shaped like Australia that looked like it needed ointment. I hope you had it checked out as I suggested. Your willingness to reach out moved me. Deep down I knew what I had to write about when I got home — penises. So chapter thirty-seven — If The Penis Fits — is for you.
To my writer’s group. The sheer number of times the meeting changed at the last minute or the link to the Zoom was wrong is mind-boggling! How we got anything done with your hijinks is beyond me. Thanks for reviewing chapter ninety-five on pubic hair design entitled The Hair That’s There. This book is for all of you. The three Howis’s — Howis Sheback, Howis (She) Hereagen, Howis Thismylife, as well as Getta Lyfebitch, and Leeveme Thefkalone. PS: I started my next manuscript. See you Saturday, or Tuesday, or the third Thursday of the month if it’s an odd-numbered day. I’ll find you!
And finally, to the editor who received a draft of chapter one-hundred and fifty-two entitled Hear the Cheese — you didn’t identify yourself by name, but your selfless words “Get Help!” inspired me to continue. I feel like JK Rowling. One down, eleven to go! Never give up, right? Or should I say, never give up, Write? I think you just inspired the title of my next book. I’ll send you a signed copy. Check the acknowledgments, you might find them interesting ;)