It’s Not That Hard to be Green, Kermit. Get Real.
An open letter to Kermit the Frog
Dear Kermit,
You famously sang, “It’s not easy bein’ green.” Poor thing. I get how it’s hard to feel different. But look around. You are friends with a bird, a trash creature, a bear, and a hook nose stuntman. Everyone is different. Different is good.
Besides, you have a girlfriend. It could be worse. You could be in a swamp under a rotten oak tree crying salty tears while no one hears you croak. Your girlfriend would be that fly you just sucked back as a snack. That’s what not easy means. You got this!
Besides, you have famous friends who visit you regularly. If it was, as you profess, not easy bein’ green, you would have no friends. Know who my friends are? My vibrator. I’m mad at everyone else.
You say you, ‘blend in with so many other ordinary things.’ Do you know who wants to blend in with ordinary things? Everybody. Literally. Every. Damn. Person. Suck it with your ‘I’m too much like everyone else’ bullshit. Be happy you don’t have to try smiling and calling people and being ‘pleasant’. That ain’t easy. All that trying to fit in is fucking demoralizing. Count your lucky webbed feet, Kermie.
You have an iMDb page, a fan club, a verified profile on Twitter, and memes. There…
