My Facebook feed is full of people crowdsourcing articles they are hoping to sell. I try to be nice, but I don’t want to be nice. What I want to say is, “If I give you this golden nugget of information, what will you do for me?”
Are you judging me? Don’t pretend you’re altruistic and always take time for others in their quests for the truth and betterment of society. You hung up on that telemarketer just this morning. So, yeah.
Before I tell you what my childhood was like in a small town, how I get my kids to do the dishes, how many avocados I throw out uneaten each week, or where I hide my junk food, there are some things you can do for me. Choose one for each crowdsourcing article and then we’ll talk.
- Laundry. Like all of it. You want the goods? I need clean underwear to talk.
- Find where I put my junk food.
- Blowdry my hair. (Could you start with giving it a brush? It’s been 53 weeks.)
- Do the dishes. My kids refuse and I used a measuring cup for coffee this morning that I used for “water” last night.
- Change the channel. I dropped the remote.
- Make the bed. I’m pretty sure I left a Snickers in there somewhere and I don’t want my husband to find it first.
- Pay my therapist to talk about growing up in a small town.
- Buy me more avocados. These ones are overripe.
- Dust. That’s still a thing people do, right?
- Walk my dog. I’m just over it already.
- Shovel my driveway, mow my lawn, plant my annuals. I have no idea what it’s doing out there, but I’m sure it needs a little TLC.
- Take out my Christmas tree. I think it’s cooked.
- Wash my floors. I forget what color tile is in the kids' bathroom. I think it’s blue, but until you help, I can’t be sure. I want to buy new bathmats but they need to match the clean version of the floor. (PS: Throw out old bathmats.)
- Make dinner. Not tacos! I can do that shit myself.
- Can you check on my kids? They’re in here somewhere.
About the small town thing, growing up in a small town was truly inspiring. The sense of extended community made for a wide safety net and more ‘aunties’ than I felt I deserved. Their guidance made me the accomplished mother and homemaker I am today. #Blessed
Shit. I did it, didn’t I. I’ve been crowdsourced.