Alcohol Pairings While You Watch Impeachment #2 of #45
If you’re wondering the best way to enjoy the impeachment proceedings… Look no further than this handy pairings guide.
During the second impeachment trial of DJT, I want you prepared for all outcomes. Spend some time getting supplies for what could be the most thrilling reality TV show ever aired. Yes, even more thrilling than the Witch Hunt of 2019 that captured our imagination. Choose your pairing or prepare for all scenarios. I might offer this as a drinking game, but would not want to be accountable for the stomach pumps to follow. So, let’s just resort to highfalutin pairings and call it classy.
1. Use of the Word ‘Supremacy’
Generally, you start your night with a delicate glass of white. This is no exception. White Russian that is. It’s a nod to both the first impeachment of DJT, and the white supremacists who stormed the Capitol on January 6th. Win/win.
Mix together 2 parts Coffee liqueur, 5 parts Vodka, 3 parts Fresh cream, one part incontrovertible facts.
The coffee will ensure you don’t miss a moment of what is coming. Float fresh cream on top and make sure that stuff sinks to the bottom by stirring aggressively. Serve with your favorite takeaway. Might we suggest hamberders?
2. Use of the Word ‘Insurrection’
If the mood is getting darker, so should your drink. Coined in the UK, like all good variants, the drink is called Insurrection and will be your constant companion.
Combine rum infused with beets, add more rum, and more. A dash of honey, cassis, lemon, and the white of an egg (is there any other part?). Garnish with a cocktail confederate flag. If anyone utters the word insurrection, you will need to finish that “Insurrection”, and quick. The FBI is on its way.
3. Use of the Word ‘Riot’
Once the conversation turns to the storming of the Capitol, and the rantings of the former Putin Pal, my suggestion is a Moscow Mule. It’s like a Molotov cocktail, but with more bang, and less burning aftertaste.
3 parts vodka, 1 part lime, top with ginger beer. Most people serve this delight over ice, I prefer the serving to be done after a visit to the Grand Jury. But personal preference is always recommended.
4. Use of the Word ‘Trump’
Enjoy this satisfying Fruit Punch with a sweet taste of victory. The bitter aftertaste is easily washed down by the Impeaches and Cream to finish (see below). As Trump is not a drinker, it’s only fair to include him in his own game. So enjoy this punch every time they utter the word, Trump.
Mix 1 part orange juice, 1 part lemonade, 7 parts pineapple juice, 1.5 parts water, 1.5 parts sugar, and a bottle of lemon-lime soda, twelve Buffalo chicken wings and a bag of Cheetos for color (freeze them first for extra crunch). This will need a good size slop bucket to take all the liquid. Or, if you want to really live the life, get a trough and drink up like the ex-Prez. A toilet bowl would work too to flush the shit away once it’s done. You choose.
5. Use of the Word ‘Impeach’
Impeachment feels like a decadent dollop of cream on the top of a shit pile so I couldn’t think of anything more apropos than the Impeaches and Cream.
Mix 2 Parts impeachment (a noble substitute for peach schnapps), 1 part cream. Sip slowly and enjoy for a very long time!
6. If Rudy Starts Melting
Enjoy any of these cocktails if Rudy melts. That will cool his body temperature faster than a Jewish space laser can heat him back up. Don’t worry, Rudy. Your concrete cell will cool you down.