It’s like no one else cares in this neighborhood.

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5:15 AM: I wake up and get my supplies ready. Flashlight, pepper spray, air horn, and coyote journal. Check.

5:25 AM: I start my first pass through the neighborhood. I like to get out while most everyone is asleep so the neighbors can wake up knowing they are safe.

6:45 AM: I extend my search area, writing down street names and houses that appear to have children or dogs present. They are the targets of the beast.

8:15 AM: Spot him! He’s in front of 63 Elmcrest. I blast the air horn, and as I am running away, I pepper…

Wanna give me all your great ideas, please?

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My Facebook feed is full of people crowdsourcing articles they are hoping to sell. I try to be nice, but I don’t want to be nice. What I want to say is, “If I give you this golden nugget of information, what will you do for me?”

Are you judging me? Don’t pretend you’re altruistic and always take time for others in their quests for the truth and betterment of society. You hung up on that telemarketer just this morning. So, yeah.

Before I tell you what my childhood was like in a small town, how I get my kids…

Would sex make you feel better?

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Look, I’m sorry for walking into the toilet when you had the door shut. I thought that was a weird place for us, but it has been hard to find boom boom time with the kids at home. My bad. I’ll wait outside the door until you’re done.

I’m sorry I misunderstood your need for a shower as a pre-emptive invitation to have sex. I’ll wait in the bed.

I’m sorry for following you into the closet. I thought you wanted to show me your boobs. Can you? Can you show me your boobs?

I’m sorry I misunderstood you doing…

Warning: The second stage is Despair.

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Several of my usual reads in the blogosphere have moved on. Maybe they are writing a book; maybe they are planning a hit on a neighbor; maybe they are learning to crochet. Whatever the reason, they are not talking about the world on their website anymore, and it makes me wonder where I’m headed.

I’m approaching my sixth year writing on the internet. I started with a blog, changed the name of the blog as soon as it became successful, then floundered until I found Medium. I wanted to examine the life-cycle of a writer on Medium starting with myself…

Your small kindness meant so much, I had to repay you in a big way.

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Excited to see your name in print? I was excited to put it there. Sure, you were identified as “Lady in the mall who said Hi to me when I was having a bad day thinking I couldn’t write,” but you know who you are. I know your Hi, was really, You’ve got this. You’re a Godsend. #Bless.

Every author acknowledges their editors, agent, and family but I can’t put into words how much it meant when you high-fived me on the Peloton, bubba6591. I was there to work off the stress of writer’s block and you gave me the…

If there’s not much going on, might I also suggest the following…

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I’m certain Tiger Woods will have the best of care and make a full recovery. I wonder, however, if his domination of the news is indicative that we don’t have much going on. Since it’s apparently a slow news day, maybe I could suggest the following stories for consideration. I’m an inquiring mind, and I’d like to know more about these.

  1. What day it is.
  2. Karens. Where are they now?
  3. Jelly molds.
  4. The reporter’s essential oil journey.
  5. People who haven’t stripped their bed since March.
  6. Juggling cats. Pasttime or cruelty? Discuss.
  7. Pro gamers on YouTube. Why, exactly? How, exactly?
  8. When…

Why reading books is important for adults.

Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

I read about a book a week. This year has been more difficult with the family at home most of the year. Some are stinkers, some are great, but with each completed work, I take away something. The characters fade away, but the reason for reading gets me to open another book.

We understand, intuitively, that children need to read and/or be read to establish their vocabulary, develop their imagination, improve their literacy skills, and entertain them, but what about us? Why do I recommend to my family that they pick up a book? It is not just to get…

Do I have the course for you!

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I attended a course at the local university entitled, “Writing Humor.” With the following course description.

Find out what it takes to be funny and learn the techniques used by successful literary and popular comic writers. Combining lectures with in-class exercises and workshops, this course will examine the types of comedy suited to the printed page.

Sign me up!

I attended the first lecture and we were told there would be a writing exercise at the end. Our fearless leader wrote the assignment on the board: Write Something Funny.


Write something funny, he says. Just be funny, he commands…

The manhunt for three boys continues as the community mourns.

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It was a dark day in February for Darlene Jensen. Her kids had finally been able to go back to school in person. She was finally sitting down with her morning coffee and enjoying a browse through her Facebook feed when she heard a knock at the door.

“I thought it was one of my children forgetting something. My eldest, Jeff, often does what he calls an FBI-knock to startle me, so I was ready to reprimand him when I got to the door.” But what Darlene saw when she opened the door was not Jeff or any of her…

If you’re wondering the best way to enjoy the impeachment proceedings… Look no further than this handy pairings guide.

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During the second impeachment trial of DJT, I want you prepared for all outcomes. Spend some time getting supplies for what could be the most thrilling reality TV show ever aired. Yes, even more thrilling than the Witch Hunt of 2019 that captured our imagination. Choose your pairing or prepare for all scenarios. I might offer this as a drinking game, but would not want to be accountable for the stomach pumps to follow. So, let’s just resort to highfalutin pairings and call it classy.

1. Use of the Word ‘Supremacy’

Generally, you start your night with a delicate glass of white. This is no exception…

Kristine Laco

Mother. Satirist. My middle finger is my favorite. I stare out the window to create. Editing my first manuscript— which is why I’m spending time here.

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